Well, I chickened out. In my last post I told you I was going to buy a new bathing suit for my trip to Mexico. I just got so busy procrastinating that I didn't have the time. And I had packed my old suit just in case. As it turns out, a new suit would not have helped me anyway.
Mexico was beautiful and relaxing. We stayed in a pretty posh resort with a FANTASTIC pool. On the first day we went for a dip in the morning, and somehow didn't manage to get out of the pool until it got dark. The swim up bar probably contributed to our lengthy stay. So with perfect weather, a beautiful pool, and attentive resort staff, what could I complain about?
Digital cameras, that's what (please stay with me while I rationalize). In the old days, you took your camera on vacation, and took pictures of beautiful and interesting things, or yourself next to those things. You hoped that the pictures came out. You enjoyed your trip, and then when you got home you sent the film in to be developed. Then you got to relive the excitement of your vacation when the pictures came back. Sometimes there would be a picture that was bad because the flash didn't go off, or you had your eyes closed and your mouth gaping open, but that was okay. You treasured the memory of your vacation.
Then along comes the digital camera. Now, as you're relaxing at the swim up bar in your five-year-old-pre-last-baby-who-is-now-two-so-there's-no-excuse-for-not-losing-the-baby-weight-yet bathing suit, your friends decide they want a group picture. You get the bartender to snap the photo while you all pose, and then he shows you the picture. Jennifer says she doesn't like it because she was squinting, so Mr. Bartender takes another. Now Cassie doesn't like it because she was hunched over funny. "Mr. Bartender!" In every photo that is taken, one person doesn't like the way she is posed, but in every single shot you are fat, and there's nothing you can do about it. And with every single shot you are reminded of it.
It is no surprise to me that I'm fat, but I hope I can at least forget about it for a while when I'm on vacation. With these darn digital cameras I see myself immediately and it detracts from my enjoyment of the moment. Maybe I shouldn't be drinking this sweet and delicious pina colada. Instead of steak and lobster tonight, I should just have some boiled carrots. Because I don't deserve to have any fun because I'm fat.
I know its not the camera's fault, but I must admit that I would have had more fun if I hadn't seen my sagging arm fat or my shapeless form. So what am I going to do about it? I don't have a brilliant answer, or an answer that will necessarily work for someone else in my situation. What I will do is start being nice to my body by not cluttering it up with crap. I will feed myself with food that nourishes my body. I will not deprive myself of an occasional treat, and I will understand that "occasional" does not mean every day or every meal. I will report my progress here, even if its bad. And when it is bad, I will not give up. I will admit that I made some bad choices, figure out a better way to handle the situation, and keep on truckin'.
Just Getting By is not about weight loss. It is about getting through life, and balancing all of its demands. One of my biggest and hardest demands to manage is my weight. I have often said that celebrities have it easy when it comes to weight loss. Not that they just magically lose the weight; they have to work just as hard as we do to get results. But in addition to losing weight, I have to get the kids to school, count change so I can buy milk, vacuum and do the laundry, and dig a trench in the backyard when it rains because the HOA doesn't think its important to maintain the drainage system. I may be wrong, but I don't think celebrities do most of those things.
So if you are a regular person, single, a mom, a single mom, a working mom or SAHM, hang in there with me. On the days I don't lose weight, its because I'm busy paying the mortgage. You know what things distract or prevent you from doing what is best for yourself. Please share your challenges with me, and I will do the same. Let's learn from and support each other. We may not ever be bikini ready, but we can try!
I'm gonna go buy some carrots.